ScrollDamage Issue #003: When Reality Gets Weird

Hey you — yeah, you — still fried from doomscrolling? Good. It means you’re one of us. Welcome back to ScrollDamage, where we inject your brain with the right kind of internet rot.

Here’s what cracked the internet wide open this week — all 100% real:

🏊 Mystery Swimmer Intrudes Brisbane Family Pool
A family in New Farm, Brisbane, found CCTV footage showing a stranger casually sneaking into their backyard to swim laps in their pool — at least five different times. The man even stretched before his rogue workouts. Police are now investigating the backyard aquatics enthusiast.

🦝 Dapper Raccoon Stolen in Bizarre Break-In
In Townsville, thieves broke into a store and stole only a stuffed raccoon named Ralph — dressed to the nines in a suit and bowtie. Security footage shows the door was smashed, but the burglars fled after their drill bit broke. $200 reward if you spot Ralph living his best life.

🎱 Snooker Star’s Strategy Leaves Opponent Stunned
At the World Snooker Championship, Shaun Murphy stunned spectators when he kept playing even though he needed five impossible snookers to win. Turns out: math is hard. He miscalculated the score — but hey, legends play through it.

🚴️ NFL Commissioner’s Bicycle Entrance Sparks Reactions
Roger Goodell biked onto the stage at the NFL Draft, nodding to a Packers training camp tradition. Instead of applause? Pure roast energy from the crowd and Twitter. Sometimes, tradition just looks… weirder when it's on a grown man in a suit.

🌠 Lyrid Meteor Shower Dazzles Australian Skies
Down under, the Lyrid meteor shower lit up the sky with green streaks and booming flashes. From Brisbane to Melbourne, stargazers were treated to a cosmic fireworks show — proof that not everything online needs a filter to look unreal.

Until next time, remember: You're not wasting time online. You're just... documenting human chaos for science.

Scroll smart. Scroll savage. ScrollDamage.

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